[peter92305]

A Couple of Rhymes

There once was a man named McSprocket, Who stuck his dick up a socket.
The son- of-a-bitch, Turned on the switch, And away he shot like a rocket.


( Epitaph on a village gravestone).
Here lie the bones of a screwy old dick, Born into life with a malformed corkscrew prick.
He spent most of his life with his face in girls' annies, Searching for one with a corkscrew fanny.
Dick finally found her, but much to his dread, Son-of-a-bitch, she had a left-handed thread!


I have to release these sparingly because after the runaway success of my biography, " Arrabella, the Apologetic Chloroformer " ( I changed her name so as to maintain her anonymity ), I am now under stress from the publishers to follow it up with a book of " Verses and monologues " for publication early in the new year.
Just time for a quick monologue, :: ----

Little Billy came home from school to find the family's pet rooster lying dead in the front yard.
Rigourmortise had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
When his dad came home, Billy said, " Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking up in the air. Why are his legs like that?"
His father, thinking quickly answered " Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift our rooster straight up to heaven "
"Oh, I see " replied little Billy.

A few days later when Dad arrived home from work, Billy rushed out to him yelling, " DAD, DAD, we almost lost Mum today!"
"What do you mean?" asked his Dad. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went upstairs to your bedroom, and there was Mum lying flat on her back with her legs in the air, screaming, JESUS I'm coming !"
If it hadn't been for Uncle George holding her down, we'd have lost her for sure!"